The confidence struggle: Entrepreneur edition

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these pep-talk, journal-style, talking-with-you-not-at-you posts. You know, the ones where I talk about “us” and “we” …because really, I need to hear this just as much as you might need to.

But something really bothered me the other day and I felt like I just needed to write about it.

Well, it wasn’t what happened that bothered me, I guess… It’s that I let myself get so down about it (this will make sense in a min).

So I’m going to just kind of let my brain and fingers go wild here and see what happens. Good luck 😅

And if you’re just here for some things you can try to boost your confidence and don’t care about me, what happened, or what realizations I’ve had around this topic, just skip to the last section.

As much as I wish I was perfect when it comes to this whole entrepreneur thing, I’m not. I’m going with the flow and growing right alongside you, sharing my experiences and knowledge in hopes it’ll help you too. Kind of cool that we can grow together, right?

Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I started this adventure yesterday and now I’m going to give you suggestions on how to do all the things! I do have experience. But there's also a lot I just haven’t been faced with yet, or things that still get to me even though I know to expect them.

And that’s exactly what happened the other day. 

I got really down on myself after sending one of my weekly emails. Why? Because the open rate was lower than the rest. Like, a lot lower. After consistent weeks of 50% or more, this one was struggling to hit 35%. 

And I don’t know, maybe it was a combination of my mood, not feeling well from Covid symptoms (they were mild, no worries!), lack of sleep, you name it… but I let myself fall into a bunch of negative thoughts.

How can I talk about emails when this email did so badly?
This email is just showing me that I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m just a big fake.
The things I’m writing about are useless and this just proves no one cares.

Right, because THOSE are helpful things to be thinking 🙄

Once my self-shaming fest was over, I took some deep breaths and tried to go at this in a more productive way. What could have caused this to be such a “flop?”

Maybe the subject line just wasn’t as great as the others. Maybe the topic wasn’t appealing to my audience. 

Hell, maybe it was just the week I sent it. A lot of people are on vacation at the end of July. And who wants to read emails when you’re trying to relax and escape the “real world” for a bit?!

But this whole emotional rollercoaster, after it was all said and done, really got me thinking. This idea of “confidence” can be SO tricky for entrepreneurs.

It’s like, we don’t want to start taking action until we feel confident about what we’re doing…

But we don’t gain confidence without taking action. Sucks, right?

And then… one small negative situation (really, this email was a SMALL “issue”) can send us into a vicious cycle of doubt and insecurity.

The more I’m talking to and connecting with others in this space, there are a few things I’m starting to realize even more when it comes to this whole confidence thing… 

No one is immune to a little confidence derailment 

Even the most confident people aren’t immune to a little setback that causes a bit of doubt. It happens to the best of us and it’s just a part of being human. So I guess that’s reassuring to know I’m not the only one?

Negative thoughts or doubts creeping in… that’s going to happen. It’s how we choose to deal with those thoughts that can make or break us. Do we just ignore them? Do we let them multiply and take over, completely knocking us off course and preventing us from continuing on?

Or do we allow ourselves to just take a step back, take a look at what happened, and figure out the next step.

(Hint… it’s that one.)

When something doesn't go as planned or as expected, it’s soooo hard to continue on like everything is just fine and dandy. But as I’ve said before, and I’m sure you’ve heard many, many times in other places as well…

Mistakes, failures, setbacks, etc. are all an opportunity for us to learn and grow. They’re going to happen. It’s just a part of entrepreneurship that we have to accept and be okay with, even if we don’t exactly love it.

But the more we experience these moments, the more we actually realize how helpful and important they are for our success.

We expect things to be easy because we’re further in life

Many of us go into entrepreneurship after a length of time spent in another career. One we spent years, maybe even decades, dedicating our life to.

(And even if you’re one of those rambunctious go-getters that jumped straight into being your own boss, the first time was still wildly different compared to, say, your experience in school!)

And yet, when we set off to give this whole new way of living and working a try, you know, being our own boss and all, we get down on ourselves when things are hard. We often jump right to the conclusion that we were never cut out for the entrepreneur life and we deny ourselves a little bit of leeway as we’re learning the ropes. And of course, it’s a huge knock to our confidence!

As adults, we don’t often allow ourselves to put on the beginner’s shoes when we start something new. We just assume that it’ll be easy because up until this point, that’s just how things have gone. But it makes sense. When we spend years and years doing the same job, working the same field, completing the same tasks, of course it’s easy.

I was a teacher for 9 years and by the time I left, I could teach that content and help those kiddos in my sleep. But when I think back to that first year? Yikes.

We need to remember that when we start something new, no matter how young or old we are, there’s going to be a period of time in which we’re kind of just learning as we go. And there’s nothing wrong with that! 

But when something doesn’t come naturally or it tests our patience with how long it takes for us to “get it,” we really need to cut ourselves some slack. Continue on with taking action and it’ll get easier each time.

Lacking confidence is an just an excuse

When it comes down to it, confidence comes from doing. We’re not going to become more confident by reading all the books and blog posts, listening to podcasts, etc. and then just sitting on that info we’ve consumed. We use that as an excuse to hold us back from taking action. 

Why? Because taking action is scary. So we tell ourselves, “Oh, I’ll just learn all the things I need to learn first, then I’ll feel more confident.” But then it comes time to go, and we make another excuse…

Listen, I get it. I struggle with letting doubt and fear of the unknown (whether it’s fear of failure OR success… but that’s a conversation for another day) hold me back too. But every time we tell ourselves we’ll just wait until xyz happens, we’re really just doing ourselves a disservice. We’re preventing ourselves from reaching our highest potential and putting amazing things out into the world! 

Lacking confidence is the perfect excuse when we’re feeling uneasy about stepping outside our comfort zone. But you know that’s where growth happens, right? So instead of using this lack of confidence against ourselves, let’s try to dig into it. 

What are the things we don’t feel confident about? 

What is the fear that we’re so scared to confront? 

Asking questions like this can help us get to the root of the doubtful feelings and stop making excuses.

A few ways to gain confidence

Take messy action

This one might be obvious at this point. I already mentioned in this post and I have in other posts but guess what, it’s because it works. And I’m not the only one who says this. Do the damn thing, hit post, submit, enter, send… whatever it is you need to do, and breathe! The world isn’t going to end. 

If whatever you did works, great, do more of that. If it wasn’t so hot, great, try something new next time. You’re going to win either way. And it’s going to feel better and better each time you do it.

Stop thinking about you (well, sometimes)

When we think about ourselves, we let our insecurities hold us back. We need to shift that mindset, and I know, it’s hard. Thoughts like, “what are they going to think of me?” “What if I do something stupid?” “I can’t do this until it’s perfect because they’re going to judge me” …they don’t do us any good. 

Let’s reframe it to, “I’m going to be able to help so many people when I share this knowledge.” “This approach I’m teaching really worked for my clients and I know it’ll work for others too.” “It’s okay if this isn’t perfect because I’ll be able to learn from it and change my actions based on the feedback I receive.”

The moment you think about the people you serve and the successes you’ve helped achieve so far, you start to realize you really do know what you’re doing 😉

Acknowledge wins, no matter how small

It’s so easy to focus on what’s going wrong that we often forget to celebrate what’s going right. Make a habit to celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem, because that’s going to create fuel to keep you going. 

Over and over, you’ll start to see you ARE capable, you DO know what you’re doing, and you CAN achieve amazing things. Those wins are nice reminders when things get a little rough that you’ve done it before and you can do it again. 

It’s only up from here.

Take note of your skills and what’s lacking

Make a list of all the things you’re really damn good at, when it comes to running your biz AND when it comes to helping your clients/students/audience. No skill is too little or insignificant. Put them all on there.
Then make a list of areas in which you struggle, things that are difficult for you, or things you don’t care to do. 

These lists will help in a few ways. 

Having a visual of all the things you do well on a daily basis can really boost your confidence. It’s easy to forget how much we’re actually good at when it just feels like it’s part of the daily grind. So give yourself a high five for all that!

The other list can help you determine why you may not be feeling confident in some areas. If you’re faced with tasks you’re not comfortable doing, or don’t have experience doing, it can lead to doubt or insecurity. Once these things are acknowledged you can either A) work to improve those skills or B) delegate it out to someone else who can do it better (if you’re able to).

Surround yourself with like-minded people.

This is another one I've mentioned before, but not within the whole confidence context. Networking and being around other entrepreneurs is so important for growth and success… but yup, it also helps us toss those insecurities out the window. 

Having someone to talk to about your worries, someone who GETS it because they’re doing it too, is so helpful. You’re able to work through the issues at hand and also get an outside perspective from someone who has experienced what you’re going through. 

Being able to ask questions, get reassurance, seek opinions and advice, and learn from peers is great because it allows us to see that we’re not the only ones experiencing these feelings, doubts, and emotions. It also helps because we’re not left alone to try and figure things out ourselves, which can feel frustrating at times. 

And here I thought this was going to be a quick post. WHOOPS.

If you’ve been doubting yourself and lacking confidence in what you’re doing, you’re absolutely not alone. It’s a part of this whole entrepreneur thing BUT we don’t have to let it dictate our actions.

We can keep control and we get to call the shots…

We’re our own boss after all, right? 😉

What’s been the hardest thing for you when it comes to a lack of confidence getting in your way of kicking ass? Let’s work through this together. 

PS - I’m definitely feeling a lack of confidence when it comes to even publishing this damn post because I feel like it sucks… but here I go. Taking action! 

PPS - If doubt comes rolling in when you think about trying to connect with your audience, connecting through story is the absolute way to go. It works like a charm in building trust with the people in your community. 

So if that’s what’s holding you back, grab this free guide on how to create story-driven emails so you can gain that skill and stop making excuses 🤭